A Simple Solution to the War…
| A Simple Solution to The War in the Middle East |
|---|
UTAH…
THE *OTHER “ U ” SOLUTION
by Dusty Schoch, Foreign Policy Editor
PREFATORY NOTES:
Before I outline the simple solution to the perennial Middle Eastern problems which Bush diplomacy is busily evolving into World War III, let me first lay down some basic realities for foundation:
- There would be no Middle East problems from America’s standpoint if we had not, since 1948 allied ourselves with Israel in their never-ending effort to defend the country which Europe and the West literally stole from its Islamic inhabitants and gave to the Zionist Jews who founded it.
- The “State of Israel” occupies land which Zionist Jews claim their God granted them in the Old Testament and Arabs claim God gave them in the Koran.
- 9/11 would not have happened without America’s half-century alliance with Israel in its war for self-preservation. Just ask bin Laden. Our economic alliance with the oily despotic sheiks does not result in our killing Palestinian, Lebonese and other Islamics at the rate of dozens a week…for 50 years. Our alliance with Zionist Israel does.
- If 9/11 hadn’t happened, Bush (at the instigation of Cheney, at the instigation of Halliburton, with the wiles of Wolfowitz, the impulse of Perle and the forensics of Frum) would have had no pretext to invade Afghanistan (the Arab-to-Asian oil pipeline) and Iraq (20% of Arab oil reserves).
FORGET WAR’S CAUSE AND FOCUS ON SOLUTION
In order to focus on the “solution” to the war, and the perpetual threat to American security due to what our statesmen are calling “terrorism” and “insurgency” (although in Europe, when Hitler was doing to France what we are doing to Iraq and Afghanistan they called it “resistance”), let’s totally ignore the question of whether we are allied with Israel and occupy Iraq because we will clearly be extinct as an industrial nation if and when Arab oil goes to $150 a barrel.
If Israel fulfilled Arab demands and dreams, evacuated Israel and gave it back to the Arabs it was stolen from, there would be no need for America to arm and otherwise assist Israel with their Bible Wars with Islam for their jointly- (by God) “promised land”.
If America became the diplomatic instrument of Israel’s withdrawal from the promised land, anti-western sentiment in the Middle East would quickly evaporate and the sane industrial world could then return to the insanity of pumping and burning fossil fuel until hell freezes over (about 12 years from now if NASA scientists are right on their global warming models).
But regardless of ugly oil, uglier Halliburton, global warning and ecological Armageddon, here is a simple way to defuse the nuclear time bomb now ticking in the Middle East where Iran, Pakistan, Israel and other fundamentalist-crazy states (including America) are all on their individual paths seeking the U- solution (*Uranium fission bombs) to the perennial puzzle of how the world will end . . .
THE OTHER “ U ” SOLUTION …
“New Israel” and “Mormonia”
It’s so, so simple. Give Israel Utah. I mean…exactly half of it—in return for leaving Israel and giving it back to the Arabs from whom it was stolen. Every iman in every mosque in Islam would be burning incense to America instead of plotting ways to erase us infidels from the face of Allah’s earth.
Tongue in cheek? Only in a single sense: I bite my tongue trying to suppress the smile that inexorably contorts my face as I envision the attempts of neo-con corporate American fat cats trying to find a fallacy in the patently legal, democratic and doable plan I herewith propose:
IT’S COST EFFICIENT
The cost of annual military and other aid to Israel to the U.S. is in the multi billions of dollars. The cost of the war on terrorism which resulted from our alliance to Israel is in the trillions, not to mention the loss of American soldiers in the tens of hundreds and the loss of innocent Islamic lives in the tens of thousands. All this expense in terms of dollars and lives will end the moment Israel packs up and moves to …Utah.
The U.S. is a democratic republic and we have laws permitting the majority of us to take property from the minority of us for the benefit of the majority. It’s called the power and doctrine of “eminent domain”.
Applying the doctrine of eminent domain, we take the State of Utah and subdivide it into two equal halves, one part going to each of two fundamentalist theocratic states: The Zionist Jews and Mormons, to become, respectively the twin-sovereign states of New Israel and Mormonia (or possibly “Mormania”).
Israel, as and where it is, is a country 8,019 square miles in size (smaller than New Jersey), and it has only 6.4 million people (only 75% of whom are Jews and will want to endorse the U-Solution).
Utah is the 13th largest State with 84,904 square miles. Can you imagine Zionist Jews opposing an exchange like that.. 8,019 miles for 42,400 (a 500% plus gain in real estate)?
Utah has a salt lake very much the same as the Dead Sea. It boasts of 11,000 miles of fishing streams, 147,000 acres of lakes and reservoirs (water shortage being Israel’s perennial nemesis), and twenty-fold the arable land Israel has. Sounds more like “promised land” to me than that slab of sand the League of Nations foisted on their desperate refugee peoples a half century ago.
Why not get together and help ordain God’s promise to our Jewish progenitors? This time, if we promise to give them half the state of Utah, and subsequently fulfill that promise, who could thereafter ever dare again say the “promised land” thing in the Old Testament was myth?…or that the wars since waged to consummate that gift were….genocidal?
An equitable split and distribution of water and other resources would—and should– be given to the newly-declared and SOVERIGN NATIONS OF NEW ISRAEL AND …MORMONIA.
What’s in it for the Mormons of Utah? Well, for starters, we (taxpayers) pay them what their condemned property is worth, and the cost of their relocations on the other side of the border of the twin-sovereign theocratic states. It would only be, say, Katrina and New Orleans times 2, 3 or—at most—4…and nobody gets drowned.
To boot (and this will end all Mormon resistance), they can have back their polygamy they had to give up to be a civilized American state back in 1848 (when America ran Mexico out of the territory), because, just like our Native American Indian reservations, their state will henceforth (like “New Israel”) be sovereign.
And on the Israeli side… Instead of being “driven into the sea” as in Arabian dreamland, Israeli’s would be taking more like a Humvee-escorted trip to the docks followed by a luxury cruise to the New Promised Land in Utah, U.S.A. No more Hamas, no more TNT-jacketed Islamic adolescents in the malls, no more PLO, no more Hezzbola, no more sleeping beside the M-16, no more….war.
Just consider the perfect logic and symmetry involved in this Utah Solution. About a half century ago, Israel declared itself a state and a war began which, with small breathers, has lasted…and escalated ever since until we’re looking forward to its being historically denominated the first theater of WWIII.
Israel is an exclusive (that’s what “Zionism” implies) theocratic state and was formed by the immigration of religious refugees who had been persecuted in Europe a half century ago. Utah is a de-facto theocratic State established a century before Israel, inhabited and run primarily by Mormons who were refugees from religious persecution in the East (eastern America).
From the very first (1848-9), the Utah Mormons , these followers of latter-day prophets and saints, were “Zionistic” in that they wished to be and remain separate from all other religions, and “then some”. The “then some” is one of the few things that separates the Mormon form of religion and theocracy from the Zionist State of Israel: The Mormons from the first intended–and still plan–to take over the whole of the United States and convert (proselytize) its religious followers to the Mormon faith…one by one (in case the biker boys in black haven’t already informed you of that in your living room.)
Our country is already replete with several “independent and sovereign” native American nations….so what would be the harm of two more? In this Utah Solution, the dreams and aspirations of fundamentalist and separatist Jews and Mormons can be fulfilled…in spades. The Mormon’s quest from the start was to establish a theocratic state where the Mormon Church ruled in lieu of any secular government. They’re practically there already, as those of you who have followed their polygamy history can attest. Mormon polygamy was outlawed by the Mormon Church on the books before the secular State of Utah was formed, but Mormon (albeit fraught with clerical divisiveness) polygamy is not punished in the State of Utah because the state prosecutor can’t possibly put 10 percent of its “Big Love” populace in prison. Utah is, then, for all practical purposes and intents, a theocratic state. Making them “legal” would be our trumping card to play in the “U-Solution” game.
Natural negatives in the Plan? (Now I promised to forget the oil, so I’ll here make no mention of Halliburton and American oil companies losing their foothold in and strategic military airbases near that dark milk-and-promised-land-honey petrol that powers our SUVeee’s and our Hummmmveeee’s. I’ll stay focused on target: away from causes and fixed on “solutions” to the present war in the Middle East.
So…What about the holy turf…you know, the Wailing Wall and other material and territorially-fixed icons and assets in the Jewish Zionist theocratic portfolio?
EASY: We transported London Bridge to Arizona didn’t we? Can you hear Palestinians saying “no” to our diplomatic call for a religious quid-pro-quo whereby Israel packs up and drives itself into the sea (in boats bound for Utah) in return for our being permitted to haul away a few stones betwixt and before which they like to deposit their messages and tears and pray?
As for Temple Mount, other shrines and holy places? They have never been strictly the property of Islam, Israel or Christendom. Such have always been mythically mosaic and religiously communal property as involutedly-complex as the several Troys layered one upon the other through time and historic apocrypha.
When America and the Middle East are negotiating this deal, with the final Exodus of Israel from Islam being on the table, the concessions our Arab brethren will make can scarcely be over-optimistically presaged. I’d wager anything but my remaining years, that in that wondrous Utah Solution, our Persian purveyors of petroleum would happily set the price of crude indefinitely so low that we could purchase and burn enough of it in the next decade to cause environmental havoc sufficient to materialize the myth of the flood and inundate with Katrina’s clout the truly-promised land of New Israel. I readily confess one cheek is quite protuberant as I propound this final…truth.
Now, everybody…altogether….Gooooooooooooooo….. Utah!!!! (the Solution, that is)
Dusty Schoch
July 30, 2006
